New Furry Friend!

Here are pics of my 6 week old kitten...he is an early Christmas present from my parents. I have yet to come up with a name for him; I want to watch his personality and see what fits. He's extremely nocturnal and loves to chew on just about everything; this is a deadly combination when he decides to chomp down on your fingers at 2AM! Let me know if you have any name suggestions!

On Pace For a World Record...maybe

So I found out today that I get to undergo another procedure in now what is the 7th month of investigating what's going on with my body. As those close to me know...at this point I do not care what's wrong, I just want it fixed and to know what's causing all the commotion. I want zero pain and to feel like my old self again; is that too much to ask? However, I try to stay positive and keep a sense of humor. When we left the doctor's office I started joking with my dad that if things keep going the way they are that I just might be on pace to set a new record of doctor visits/procedures completed in a year. Or at least that's the way I feel. Even if this next procedure, scheduled for January 9, comes up inconclusive...at least I can cross one more diagnosis off the list.

Words of Wisdom

Today I received an email from my wonderful sister-in-law. She offered some advice to help me during my current transition: "Think of all of this as an adventure. You're going to discover what YOU really like. It's always positive to expand our group of friends in life."

While the first part of this advice sounds exciting...I mean who doesn't love a good adventure? This sounds wonderful; me going on an adventure to figure out what I really like and not caring what others think. But I can't help myself from wanting to pump the brakes and shout out "Stop! Hold on a sec!" I've been so comfortable with where I was/am at that I've forgotten how to be anything but a shy wallflower. So that is my #1 hurdle to conquer; learn to be that bubbly, outgoing woman that I've always wanted to be. Hurdle #2 will be to put myself first and never compromise the things that I really want to do. All the while I need to remember to be happy. One of my favorite co-workers, Verl, says "Happiness is not a location, but rather a decision!"

This transition period has not been all that fun, but on the other hand I am learning so much about myself!

Something Fun!

I borrowed this from Mare; I was a little curious to see how I measured up on the "Boldness Scale"

Bold the things you've done:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (not on purpose though!)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

So judging by the results....I have a lot of living left to do. If only I had a bottomless bank account and no job, then maybe I could bold a few more items on this list. Oh well...one can always dream, right?

Slow Realization

I'm slowly learning how vulnerable I have made myself. This is not an easy realization for me because I've tried for as long as I know to guard myself from everyone around me. Today I've come full circle and realized that I've failed at this task quite miserably. It's amazing how you think to yourself that you're "stone cold" and then one thing brings you to your knees in an instant. You start questioning everything that lead up to this point and re-thinking every move. So right now I'm thinking to myself was it all worth it? And honestly at this point I cannot answer that question. So for now I'm in a state of denial and will try to forget what has happened tonight. I will dry my tears and take a few deep breaths and force myself to take a step in the right direction. It will be a difficult step to take...but the only way for me to move forward.

Life Changes/God's Sense of Humor

I think it's funny how quickly things can change in life. Everything goes well for a while and you get comfortable. You can almost predict everything that's going to happen. Then out of no where everything changes. It's like God throws you a curve ball to see how you will react. It goes back to "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." This is where I stand right now. I feel like I'm at the base of a mountain, looking at the highest peak wondering how in the hell am I going to conquer this thing. So I just keep reminding myself to breathe, to take it one step at a time, and to think about the possible adventures along the way.